Depression

For the last four weeks of this unintentional journey I have felt pretty good, really good in fact. I have asked myself how I could be handleing everything so well. I know God is with me and He will never leave my side, but I thought I should be feeling a little bit worse. Well today was that day. A bit of depression set in. I think part of it was that I was overly tired, and I kinda overextended myself the last few days. Today I was feeling low. I haven't felt like this since before I had cancer 8 months ago. Today I felt lonely and alone. I thought about how over the years even while married I often felt this same way. I know I am loved by God, but today I was saddened by how unloved I have been by my husband, how he could do such a hurtful thing to the woman he has spent the last 21 years with really cuts deep and leaves a big gash. I considered the fact that after being married for the better part of my life I might spend the rest of it as a single person. That thought is foreign to me. I slept today and as I did I had a dream about Daniel. I dreamed that he came home on leave from his deployment to draft divorce papers and make sure that his pay would no longer go to our checking account, and he brought his girlfriend with him. It was horrible. Seeing them and having it in my face was aweful. I woke up in a funk and haven't been able to shake it the rest of the day. I prayed and asked God to send me some encouragement either from His Word or from someone in His body. A couple of hours later Joshua stopped by and stayed for a while. We talked and had dinner together and I was encouraged. I'm still in a little funk tonight, but I am very thankful that my Heavenly Father heard my cry for help and answered my prayer.