Kind and Caring? Not!

Daniel recently had the audacity to refer to himself as kind and caring. Wow, I thought, really? Kind and caring is not how I would describe a man who just betrayed his wife with another woman at the possible expense of a relationship with his kids. Kind and caring are not words I would use to refer to a man who started an extramarital affair with a girl the same age as his daughter while his wife has cancer. It was all I could do to not jump through the computer and shake some sense into him. It only confirms my belief that he is in another reality right now, one where apparently men who cheat on their wives are not considered bad. While he exists in this reality I see no indication that he will do the right thing. I know that God can do all things, and I pray that He deals with Daniel, but for now I have to live with my current reality, and that reality is that my husband is choosing to continue in an affair.

adjustment disorder

Who wouldn't have an "adjustment disorder" when dealing with the loss of a marriage, husband, future, etc. Yes I guess I am having an adjustment problem. This past year has been riddled with things I have had to become adjusted to. Breast cancer, two kids moving out, husband deploying to Iraq, the discovery of him having an affair, another daughter getting ready to leave for college. In one year the size of our household will have gone from 6 to 2. That's a lot of adjustment, and not just for me, but for my kids too. I am still grieving a lot of this. There are nights when it's just me in the house when the kids are at a friends, it can get very lonely. I sit and sometimes don't know what to do with myself. My mind gets going to places that it shouldn't and I have to reel it in. No sense going certain places in my mind because it isn't going to get me anywhere but upset. It is difficult though because the sadness just wants to take over, the feeling of rejection, the hurt, and still the shock of it all. Tonight is one of those nights, fighting depression. Trying to adjust to my new reality isn't easy.

27 is now my unkucky number

The 27th has not been a good day for me this past year for many reasons. I had part of my breast removed on the 27th. I had my first round of chemo, that put me in the hospital and a very scary infection, on the 27th. I found out my husband of 20 years was having an affair on the 27th. This past month I had a horrible depression brought about by hormones on the 27th. Of course the depression was made much worse because of my current situation with Daniel. Oh, it was a terrible few days. The depression is gone for now and things are getting back to normal, but the sadness is still there and I fear that it will hang on for many months to come. I read something this week that aligned heartbreak to a heart attack. It said when you have a heart attack you go to the emergency room and get immediate help. You follow up with doctors, you get medicine. Friends and family come around you and help to take care of you. When you suffer a heart break there is no emergency room, no medicine, no doctor follow ups. Some friends come alongside and try to help, but many don't really know what to say, and some just stay away. You feel isolated and without a treatment plan. How do you heal a heart break? There is no definitive treatment. I guess the knowledge that it will just take time is what I have to let sink in, there is no easy fix for a broken heart.