Hit by a Bus

The range of emotions over the next few weeks was vast. Kimberly Kennedy in her book, Left at the Alter, says this, "Someone might as well have come in and told me Lew had been hit by a bus because it could not have felt any worse if he had, In fact, if I think about it, it might have been easier to handle if he had." I so relate to this comment. Daniel was in Iraq. If we got the news he had been killed I think it would have been easier to heal from. He would have stayed a hero in the eyes of our kids, and we could focus on the happy memories. Sharon Hart Morris PH.d. says, "Death is final, and so there is closure." There is no closure with an affair and I think that is what makes it so difficult. I struggled with these feeling now and again. Wouldn't it just be better if he were, well you know. I didn't stay here long because I knew it wasn't a very healthy place to be. My friends would "joke", things like, "if I see him I think I will run him over with my car." These kinds of lighthearted moments actually gave me the freedom to stop the angry thoughts about his demise.